In the majority of literature a cultural reference points related to Submissive Sadomasochism there is a focus on pathology, the use of langue around Power and Domination is reminiscent of more political definitions of the words, and the word Power used often interchangeably with Authority. Power is the force or influence, authority is the license to use that force. This kind of power often looks like force or coercion. In the face of political power there is almost always the assumption submission to the obligation of obedience to force, which is the antithesis of Sadomasochistic Submission.
The construct of consent is most readily associated with situations in which it is absent. In cultural depiction and day to day interaction it is often assumed or implied rather than overtly asserted. Even within in sexual relationships, while consent is considered a necessary element in any sexual interaction, it is often not discussed at length between partners. Where consent is concerned, the default is often a reliance on assumptions activated by social norms, body language and on going experience.
Perhaps it’s ironic that consent is a primary focus of often considered one of the most controversial realms of human sexual expression: Sadomasochism. But it is impossible to spend amount of time bound and gagged and not spend a little of it contextualising a variety of specific ideas about consent around agreed upon activities, such as the administration of pain. Every motion we make, every structure or protocol, every single things asked of me, is requested by me first. Everything I request requires an answer, thought and care and time. I want to keep our story going I want to name and answer every desire with Elegance, careful desirable action. I am objectified, the object of focus, the object that tells its own story, one that can be played out by his fingers, read on my skin like braille.
The language is misleading.
In this way my submission is power hungry, arrogant & self centred. I do not give up, surrender. What we create is the opposite of my relinquished control. He is not superior, I am not subordinate. We share power. We build a model for authority and I ask him to wield it against me. I have never given up the responsibility of speaking for myself, protecting myself and us, of knowing myself. Power has no requisite, but submission does.
How else can I say
I want you to shatter me like a glass
And stay myself. Stay safe.
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